The goal of my last article was to motivate friends to read a couple of books that describe a variety of reasons why same-sex marriage should not be legal. It did not go as well as I hoped.
There were about 150 views of the post, but only three people accepted my offer to send them free copies of the recommended books. To that precious few, I say... thank you! However, several other friends read a small portion of Defending a Higher Law, viewable online, and told me over Facebook they were unimpressed. Friend 1: “Wow. What uneducated garbage. Every tenuous, religiously fueled link of un-reason flew in the face of everything I know to be true about homosexuality and about the gay folk I know and love.” Friend 2: “I cannot get beyond the indiscriminate reliance on Catholic principles and Christian Morality scattered throughout the introduction” Friend 3: “The reduction in the price of printing has allowed incredibly minor and invalid viewpoints to be published.”
Some of this criticism is unfair. The book raises legitimate points backed by over 200 references - many of them from pro-gay organizations and writers. On the other hand, I can understand how condemning the writing may come across. In hindsight, I made a terrible mistake recommending something so polarizing for a diverse audience to check out. I have edited the second article to remove Defending a Higher Law and in its place am recommending a very different kind of book entitled, Born to Love: Gay-Lesbian Identity, Relationships, and Marriage (1). It presents a fictional dialogue between a Catholic priest, a gay man, a lesbian, and a heterosexual couple readying to marry. I think everyone will find it insightful and much friendlier in tone. You can preview it by clicking on the book cover at the Amazon listing, and I suggest you begin reading at “The Setting of the Dialog.” I would also like to send you a free printed copy or Kindle edition. If I haven't burned a bridge with you, please ask for the book.
My previous post also peeved some people and earned me labels. I was counseled by friends and family about my stance. I lost a number of Facebook friends, including two relatives. The Facebook comments describing social conservatives like me turned negative. Friend 4: “Ironically it is the Christian Right who is making the work of Christians more difficult.. by being jerks.. and not showing the love and understanding that Christ is shown.” Friend 5: “I respect your beliefs, Terry, but ultimately you are coming down on the side of hate and divisiveness.” The lowest blow came from a buddy who said I reminded him of KKK members he once met. Good gravy! Is that what I have become?
Even though I oppose gay marriage, I resist these characterizations of me. I know what I have done to benefit several people who live with homosexuality. The rest of this article focuses on one of these friends, an extraordinary man I have known a long time. Please read and then pass judgment on me, if you must.
(Clarifying point: In what I am about to share, my intent is not to link homosexuality or bisexuality with crime. My purpose is only to show my willingness to help people regardless of their sexual orientation.)
Roger and Me
“Roger” (not his real name) and I became friends about 17 years ago. He lives with bi-sexual attraction. A few months after our meeting, he was arrested because of a sex crime I won’t detail here. His family had no money, so I found him a lawyer and paid all the fees out of pocket. This was tough on me, because I was still a graduate student and dirt poor.
Roger was convicted and quickly lost contact with his family once he was locked up. I became his primary lifeline during his 15 year prison stay. I paid all of his legal fees, bought him clothes and other essentials prisoners need, wrote him letters, and accepted his collect calls to my home. I also visited him every few months, driving three hours one way to get to the maximum security facility where he was held. He sometimes told me about his homosexual life with other inmates, but I never condemned him for it. I gently encouraged him to avoid the contact if possible. More importantly, I did not let his sex with men prevent me from helping him out. It was clear to me that I was put in his life to give him practical support and brotherly love.
What bothered me for years is what would happen to Roger when he eventually got out. Where would he go? How would he start his life over again? I worked for months to find a rehabilitation program to receive him when he was released. None of the secular half-way houses would accept him because of his sex crime. The only open door was a conservative Christian organization which assists recently freed sex offenders to begin to lead responsible civilian lives, whether they are gay, straight, or something in-between. They gave Roger his first home back in the world.
After a very rocky start, Roger is now doing pretty well. He has his own apartment. He is active in a church. We talk regularly and occasionally get together. Over the last year I have seen him grow tremendously, and he no longer seeks out homosexual sex. He sometimes talks about marrying and raising kids some day. Best of all, Roger has reunited with his existing family and they support him better than I can. Roger is absolutely delighted to have them back and we both consider it a miraculous answer to prayer.
The Christian organization that helped Roger has asked me to join their leadership board. Yesterday I attended my first meeting. The community benefits from their work and I am glad to be a part of it. Every month over 30 sex offenders are released from prison into our metropolitan area. Most of them end up homeless unless charitable organizations are there to assist. It is prudent to lend them a hand before they get back into trouble.
Sometimes I reflect on why I befriended Roger. Hundreds of hours - gone. Thousands of my dollars - spent. I’ll never get any of it back. So why did I do it? Quite simply, because I was compelled by God. So many times when I have asked God who should I pray for or who should I help, Roger’s name would just pop in my head. The Spirit moves in mysterious ways.
Nevertheless, I am no saint and Roger knows it. He is well aware of my weaknesses and has told me when I need to shape up. This mutual honesty is why we get along. On that note, I asked Roger whether he views me as a hater, a clansman in plain clothes, because I believe same-sex marriage is wrong. He had a lot to say: “Me, I don’t hate all these (gay) people. I have to forgive them because God forgives me. If I hate them, then I hate myself... But everyday we see it on TV. We hear it on the radio. They are saying it is ok for men to marry each other, women to marry each other, and have sex with each other. Come on, people, we don’t want to see this stuff! But we can’t get away from it. They are (even) teaching this lifestyle in schools! It makes me mad that people don’t understand what is going on. (Terry) you are not a bigot. You are just trying to reach and educate people. Something very wrong is going on.”
Please contact me directly if you would like to talk about this article or previous ones I posted. It turns out Facebook commenting is not a very good way to have important discussions. A phone call or meeting would be better. Thanks.
References
(1). Born to Love: Gay-lesbian identity, relationships, and marriage.
